Stepney.Ammer 9:26 Mon Oct 31
Colonoscopy
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Due to have one of these done today.
The stuff they give you to clear you out take the day before....fuck me PISSING SHIT ain't the word!!
Having the full shebang and all the way into the bowl and will thankfully be under sedation, so I'm hoping to not feel/remember much!!
Any of you lot had this done....what can I expect....will I feel like I've spent the night with Graham Norton afterwards??
My Doctors name by the way is RakSHIT....I kid you not!
Gank - I know, I know. But when one of the most memorable threads on here involves you and killing a Stork, I think you're partly to blame for the non West Ham related threads on here!
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Replies - In Chronological Order ( Show Newest Messages First)
Far Cough
9:36 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Yeah I had one, didn't think the stuff they gave me for a clear out wasn't working, so I sat on the bog anyway and fuck me, talk about Niagara Falls
The procedure itself was a bit uncomfortable, because they pump air up there but overall it went quite smoothly
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wanstead_hammer
9:39 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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You'll be alright.
Just go with your gut feeling.
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Stepney.Ammer
10:32 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Cheers Cough.
Wanstead - I ain't got any guts left to feel after drinking that stuff yesterday!! Yeah, yeah, cue you've always been gutless!!
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wanstead_hammer
11:00 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Haha.
You'll be ironing your trousers on a boomerang!
All the best mate.
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Pedant
11:49 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Something like this (although your enema seems to have worked)
https://vaguedisclaimer.wordpress.com/2016/02/28/bottoms-up-sigmoid/
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Sarge
1:13 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Have had one. And yes, the 'premeds' led to the most effective 'clearance' since Gary strodder put on over the east stand at UP
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xeastham
2:22 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Had 3 done and its not painful. worst is the clear out before hand and the farting afterwards from the air they pump into you
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Stepney.Ammer
2:36 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Well, that was too bad. Uncomfortable at times but the meds I was on just about held the pain off kept bearable.
I've got some serious farts going at the moment though!!!!
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yngwies Cat
2:40 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Had a few done. Not the most dignified of medical procedure s, but you get to see up your own arse which is a bonus.
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gph
3:55 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Unpleasant, but not painful.
I got mine because I had a bout of constipation.
In the old days, they just gave you a bottle of something to gently loosen you up - now they panic, and check you out for bowel cancer.
Which I didn't have.
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suffering iron
4:24 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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I have.
It was made out to me that it would be an horrendous ordeal but it wasn't as bad as expected.
The clear you out stuff the day before I didn't think was working so I sat on the throne anyway... WOW. Liquid expulsion like I've never known.
I was sedated for the procedure but was just drowsy, it was a bit uncomfortable having what seemed like a seventeen foot rod stuck up my bottom but I was watching on the screen and it was all a bit surreal as the doctor rooted around my bowels.
Absolute FARTS afterwards as well because of all the air they pub in to you.
Wouldn't want to make a habit of it but nowhere near as bas as feared.
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worm
4:33 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Sounds fuck all t me. I'll have one and run a mile.
Try having a kidney stone and the cystoscopy that follows.
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Buster
4:41 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Never had one but after following through earlier today, maybe I should?
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medwayhammer1
7:26 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Glad it went well mate. Had a few of these due to my illness. Not as bad as it sounds, although now im the proud owner of a colostomy bag, the pre meds can be a bit lively :-)
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Stepney.Ammer
7:43 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Now the sedation has pretty much worn off Suffering Iron pretty much has the experience spot on.
Got caught out with a fart that followed through earlier though...thank fuck I was back home and not out and about!
gph 3:55 Mon Oct 31
Very true mate. However, having had to watch my step Dad go over with bowl cancer and knowing if only he had been checked over sooner he would have stood a better chance, I'm all for the docs being on the cautious side.
Pretty simple and straight forward procedure and one I think every male should have at some point...bit like birds and their smear tests.
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w4hammer
7:49 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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WHO loves a bowel movement story.
Get well soon and what, apart from a piece of lego you lost when you were three, did they find up...err, down there!?
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Stepney.Ammer
8:03 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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Cheers w4h - got the all clear mate...and with not a bit a lego in sight!
Anyone who has this done...be warned...when you take the stuff to drink the day before...DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE....and be prepared for shit to spray out sidewards!!
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VirginiaHam
8:08 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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My wife had one of these before a colonoscopy; the lad and I counted 27 shits.
I also had one, two years ago. I'd had a curry the night before the pre-med clear out stuff........I managed four visits, so it's pretty clear what you need to do, or not as the case may be.
Mine was clear too.
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jack flash
8:40 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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I had one about 3 years ago
I really underestimated the power of the stuff they give you to clear you out
I was planning to go to work on the day I started taking the stuff. I almost immediately had a seriously watery shit, followed by another one & then another
By now I realised that work was out the question & phoned in to tell them what happened, before dashing for the sanctuary of the throne again
I found the procedure extremely uncomfortable rather than painful & very quickly wished I'd been put right out
Lying on my side, watching through teary eyes as the camera on TV probed the inner reaches of my colon was bad enough
I was aware of the surgeon working the camera probe close behind me with his sexy young nurses close at hand, when I became aware of a desperate need to fart. All that air that they'd been pumping in now needed to come back out
And fart I did! The biggest, loudest, longest fart I'd ever had in my life!
Before I even had a chance to feel embarassed the doctor & nurses must have been well used to it. They didn't even burst out laughing as I expected
Just a soft word from the doctor "Please don't fell embarassed, this is perfectly normal"
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Buster
9:24 Mon Oct 31
Re: Colonoscopy
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I had an enema once.
A proper fuck my old boots moment.
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